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Thread: General > Talk > Friends Vs Boyfriends

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Thread: #2584
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KristoferK3304

Posted: 31 Jan 2009
Friends Vs Boyfriends
What the hell is the difference?? other then sex..

New relationships frustrate me.. when he asked me what the difference was, i couldnt think of anything.. which pissed him off.

I really need help..
I feel like if i dont give an answer then ill lose him... and i really like him =[
Serge

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
it's non explainable I guess. It's a gut feeling, an emotion, a feeling of belonging. it's the same thing how love for a parent or brother is different than love for a friend. Love isn't just one thing, there are degrees of loving.

You can have sex with friends, and that is still different from a boyfriend.
Roswell

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
The only thing that changes is the exclusivity; it's like a title, a claim of ownership. While you can fuck your friends, they probably won't get too pissed if you're screwing someone else as well. With a boyfriend you're not allowed to do that.

Boyfriends are like best friends with added sex perks; it's supposed to mean the silences between you two aren't awkward, but comfortable, and other such things. If the silences are awkward, even at the beginning fo a relationship, that's a bad sign. It means you like the idea of having a boyfriend more than the actual boy himself.
Roswell

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
To balance the unentertaining seriousness of that last post;

Boingo boingo whoopsie knickers.
mutinousp

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
I dunno, with friends there is always a barrier with how much physical contact you have. Its like, you may lean into them when you watch a film, hug each other, peck on the cheek and so on, but there is always a line (which depends on the person I guess. You just don't have that restriction with a bf (at least to me knowledge).
peteUK

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
well roswell, respect to the wisdom tho! x
Roswell

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
mutinousp; I don't think there IS a barrier between friends, only a perceived one. Theres a guy I've known since I was 7 and we fool around from time to time, similarly there are people I haven't known very long I could fuck if I wanted to.

The only barrier is when you or they don't actually want to, or when you're afraid of damaging the friendship (which I have to add, fucking will not necessarily damage a friendship, not if it's strong enough - or rather, if you're BOTH strong & mature enough to not let it. But I don't have sex with my best friend for that reason, 'cause I'd be pretty dead without him. And he's closer to a brother than anythign else, that would be... ewwww...)
KristoferK3304

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
he just told me that its just a title
but its only that way with me.

i feel like a failure..
angelseven

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
Boingo boingo whoopsie knickers.????

eh?

i dont know the differnce.
diedie

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
if someone didnt know the difference with me, i would dump them.
its not hard guys. a bf is someone you think is amazing. you dont want to be with anyone else because that person is the only one for you...if you are having thoughts about other guys, then you're not with the right guy and should break up and move on.

The whole point of relationships is to find your life partner. If you aint interested in life partners, then you shouldn't be dating.

just my view. :P
Roswell

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
You say life partner, I say exclusive fuck toy.

Love is a series of complex neurochemical reactions designed to help our species reproduce. Like intoxication, but with a worse hangover. It isn't some ethereal force.

Personally I think it's also more than a little about possessiveness, wanting nobody to touch that person but you.

I don't WANT to find my "life partner" at 19, that's far too fucking young in my opinion. I'm gonna go out and have fun beforehand. If I find someone to love and be loved by for a few months along the way, that's nice, but I don't think I could do forever and ever at the moment. They could date me as long as they like but no civil partnerships or similar commitments. I'm not done yet~
sunnyday

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
LOVE is the difference OBV.

you feel a connection with somone you love on a deeper level, and really understand what each other mean in conversation.

Roswell love may be a chemical process, but so is thought.
daviemoo

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
if i was with someone and they couldnt tell me the difference between our relationship and friendship id be mighty pissed off. when i got together with manc boy our relationship thing was like friendship but with stuff. but that wasnt it. it was the emotional connection. ive never felt on the same level like that with someone who was just a friend.
maybe emotion and love and sex and thought blah blah are all chemical reactions... but they feel like more thn that, and they have to be there or at least promise to be there for a relationship to mean anything to me. thats my take on it.

SephirothL

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
I would have happily found my life partner at 16, people are ready at different ages. My cousin found hers at 16 and now she's 24 and married to him. I've never seen the point of experiencing as many penises as possible. The only issue with me finding my "life partner" at 16 is it would have been a female and I'm not sure if that would have lasted due to me preferring men. What I want hasn't changed since then, just the gender.

I don't believe in love in the traditional sense of the word but I don't see the point of entering a relationship with the idea that you don't want it to last longterm. People seeing relationships as exclusive sex toys are why I'm so anal about how early in a relationship I will have sex with the person. You've just got to make clear to the person you're dating what you want I guess and hope they haven't lied about what they want.

I see the difference between friendships and relationships as the romance, the emotion and of course the sex if you're not into sleeping around.
Roswell

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
Well for me these things manifest in the "I don't want to think about anyone else touching him and if he's sad I'll kill whoever did it" way. I have a protective streak a mile wide, but of course only when it's asked for/needed. I'm not gonna choke someone with overprotectiveness because I hate that myself.

It's as I said before. It's where the silences are comfortable and a night spent sitting watching TV together doesn't feel wasted.

All I was trying to point out is that love isn't something intrinsically impossible to understand, it's all sense triggers and chemical reactions. It either happens or it doesn't. Love definitely exists, but it's not as altruistic and all-conquering as some people seem to think it is.

I'm a bit all over the place in regards to love, but I think for sure that people should stop romanticising and even deifying it so much. I also wish people would stop thinking they're in love when they're not, the word's become dumbed down for today's generation, to the point juvenile little chavlings who've been dating 3 weeks will claim to be in love. It doesn't work like that. Love is never getting tired of a person, despite their flaws, and finding it impossible to forsee a situation that would tear the two of you apart. Most relationships simply don't have that. Being in a relationship does not automatically make you in love with someone and vice versa.

tl;dr version: Love isn't the difference in relationships, protectiveness and posessiveness is.
Greg90

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
First and foremost, it worries me that noones pointed out that friend's ALWAYS come first. They are the people who make you you. No matter how in love with someone you are, they should always be put first. Not to a constant degree where you choose them over your bf every time, but when you should.

I agree that theres different types of love, and also different degree's of love. Theres family love, friend love and love love.
But i think that you can be in love with more than one person at a time, just in different ways.

Like be in love with your partner, but also with your best friend/s in a friend love kind of way.

Generally its just all very complex.
And i dono half of what i'm saying right now...i think i've been hallucinating a bit today =/
SephirothL

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
I don't get the idea of "friends come first" because I wouldn't have a relationship with someone who isn't good enough to be considered a friend. Though I don't believe in the idea of best friends either. I tend to make time for everyone who cares about me. I do hate it when people get a partner and then you suddenly never see them until they break up though.
Greg90

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
Yeah thats what i mean. Bf's should never come first in the sense that they're always right, or you's never spend time with anyone but them.

Best friends isn't a term for your favorite friend, they're the person your closest to, thats why you have lots of friends, but very very few best friends.
daviemoo

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
i have a mate who always chooses her bf over me and it fucks me off en royalé but at end of day if i had a bf id wanna spend time with him too. you do have to find a balance tho, when your friends get u through the tough times n stuff u cant just dump em off when u have someone else

ForgottenX

Posted: 01 Feb 2009
Re: Friends Vs Boyfriends
I'm not even going to write my usual essay length post in reply to this one.

Its freakin obvious. I dont understand anyone who doesnt know the difference. I certainly wouldnt date one of those people.
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