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Thread: General > Talk > Relation...ships...

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Thread: #7713
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Aeries

Posted: 10 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
Hooooolycrap I haven't been on this site in..... Apparently around a year. Oops...

ANYWAYS! Similar boat here. I'm super tired of the same crap apps (POF, Grindr, etc...) wherein peeps just look for hookups despite claims to the contrary... And I have no intentions of being some 40-year-old's go-go boy, so... where the shiznit does a guy go now?
stewiestrapon

Posted: 10 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
Here's the problem as I see it...

Gay guys aren't raised to have the highest of self worth. At least not in our generation in the UK.

Low self worth = proneness to trust issues

Low self worth also = proneness to sleeping around

Trust issues + sleeping around is not a fantastic combination.

"I'm going to introduce you to this guy. He doesn't trust anyone, he thinks he's a sack of shit and he's slept with half of your mates".

Doesn't sound a particularly appealing guy to me.

But it's what we have a tendency to think of each other... what we have a tendency to think of guys we haven't even met yet.

Then we act like it. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

The majority of gay guys I know are decent, not bad looking, you can laugh with them, bitch with them, whatever. But I guess I see that side of them because they're my friends. There's something about dating that sends them all cuckoo...
Gnarlee

Posted: 11 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
It's interesting how people are complaining about the same old apps and websites. USE THIS ONE.
stephen-20

Posted: 11 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
I think @stewiestrapon summarises perfectly.
StripeyZeb

Posted: 12 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
My boyfriend is in this choir. I found him on Grindr.


Xenor

Posted: 15 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
Not much changed here then. Main problem people make is constantly looking and expecting to find suitable candidates on tap.
newmy

Posted: 20 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
@StripeyZeb My boyfriend was at this tea dance. I found him at my local BDSM dungeon.


Aeries

Posted: 20 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
I dun has a boo. :'<
stewiestrapon

Posted: 20 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...

rogerkint

Posted: 28 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
I'll firstly caveat this by saying I'm only talking about what I think is a good strategy; it could be bollocks, but it's certainly a strategy that's kept me happy for a long time:

Be yourself.

Don't pretend you're a sporty person if your idea of a great weekend is playing World of Warcraft for 44 hours. Don't pretend you're an angel, holding out for Mr Right if you are happy to hook up with a guy on Grindr because you find him hot and just want sex. Just be honest, mainly with yourself, otherwise you'll only find people who are after the things you're pretending to be. It might work for a night, or a week, or a month, but sooner or later you'll find you don't actually click with that other person and it will end.

If what you like is going to Ice Hockey matches or the Ballet then let people know that. If you want to spend your weekend getting trashed and being hungover, then let them know that. It's the only way you'll find someone who shares some of your interests. They don't have to share all of them. They just have to like you for who you are, not who you want to pretend you are.

Speak to people. Find out what they like and how they think and what you think of them. And go from there. 90% of finding a relationship is happenstance. You can't be in a relationship with someone you've never had contact with, so chat to or meet as many people as you can. That can be Grindr, PoF, AltVibe, in the shops, in the Guardian Comment section if you're really desperate, but you won't meet a One if you never talking to Anyone.

I met a guy in March who I messaged on BBRT. He came round on a Friday night for nothing more than sex - that's all we both expected. We chatted a bit before, and we chatted a bit after. The sex was good. He stayed the night. Saturday followed much the same pattern as Friday night, and so did Sunday. Monday morning I had to go to work so he went home. Tuesday night he moved in.

Did either of us ever think that would happen? Hell no. But it did, and we couldn't be happier together.

You can only be in a relationship with someone who you actually met, so go meet people, and be yourself.
Zeppelin

Posted: 30 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
@Gnarlee. This place harbours the same 25 people and has done for years (i'm 24 and have used this place since I was 17). Sorry to burst your bubble.
kev1

Posted: 30 Nov 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
I rather like rogerkint's post - makes sense.
zeppelin - it would be nice to see a return of those long-established members we knew and miss so much as well as the dedicated 25, but Gnarlee does have a point.
Zeppelin

Posted: 02 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
I loved this place, I did, genuinely thought it was the answer to all my teen questions (seven years ago) - but nobody can deny that no marketing has gone into this place and it's started to gather dust. No traffic stems this way anymore which is why Grindr and shitty other apps have saturated the market. @Gnarlee doesn't have a point at all. (Sorry Dan)
Gnarlee

Posted: 02 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
@Zeppelin

OH GOD MY BUBBLE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
stewiestrapon

Posted: 03 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...

Gnarlee

Posted: 03 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
@stewiestrapon

No you don't understand, this is super serious. HE BURST MY BUBBLE.


Wrench

Posted: 06 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
On that note, I was at the supposed "last ever Popstarz" the other week (along with several luminaries of this unique website), and my ex-flatmate, who's at the centre of a web of past and present same sex relationships, gave me a bubble bottle and wand.

For a few minutes, I was blowing bubbles everywhere. Then just as suddenly as I'd been given it, the bubbles stopped.

I think there's something in there for all of us.

Nice to see @stewiestrapon on form - sorry I missed your birthday. I think I can relate to some of what you say. Certainly, low self worth is very unattractive, in my view, at least that's how I react to it when I perceive it. Which makes hookups a more viable option than relationships.
stewiestrapon

Posted: 10 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
In one of life's many fucked up jokes I actually do tend to get attracted to such people.

I've come to refer to my type as 'the Dementor'

I'm totally not into hookups- never have been. If the name of the game is a fleeting good time with barely familiar company and with a risk of feeling a bit rubbish afterwards, there are pills for that sort of thing. Significantly less addictive too.
StripeyZeb

Posted: 11 Dec 2014
Re: Relation...ships...
@newmy GOD THAT LOOKS LIKE SUCH A GOOD TEA DANCE. I hope there is one after the "mass-face-sit" I keep hearing about.
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